Death and the Pale Horse

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Have you ever had a tarot reading? I have. Imagine my displeasure when I found that I had been dealt the card of Death. Many people believe this to be literal, as I did when I was dealt the card. However, its meaning is far from literal, but denotes the ending of something in your life. It may represent the death of a loved one, the death of a relationship, the death of a career path, the death of a friendship, the death of your past. While we may not want to hear that something will end, the purpose of this card is to inform you that the end of something is not the end of all things and heralds change. Read more about Death here at Keen.com.

I am currently dealing with many changes, as I seem to do at every turn. I have accepted that change is inevitable and I am powerless to stop it. That’s not to say that I’ve given up, on the contrary. In letting go of the need to control everything around me to keep things the same, I’ve come to know change as a friend who has always got my back. Things were rough for me growing up and everything I’ve endured made me who I am today. I know myself to be a good person, but I do things that are contradictory and juxtaposed. I know that I can’t change my past but I can make changes to my ways of thinking and patterns of behavior.

To quote the philosopher Heraclitus, “change is the only constant in life.” The changes before me are scary and I’ve been wrestling to find the easiest way to cope with these changes. But I’ve found some peace of mind in repeating these words. Change is the only constant in life. While I may be fearful of what is before me, my state of mind will change to courage. While sometimes I feel that I’m worthless and undeserving of love and acceptance, changing these thought processes will only bring me closer to actualizing them for myself. While I can never change that I have been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, I can change how that affects me and the people I care about.

Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.

 

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3 thoughts on “Death and the Pale Horse”

  1. Read your blog entry. I’m sorry things were rough growing up. Just know I’m listening. Take care.

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    1. Thank you Lee Ann, I’ll always be grateful for the time you spent with me teaching me to read. I still have a great fondness for Dr. Seuss and remember One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish being the first book I was able to finish reading aloud, and that was because of you. And I’m grateful for you now, keeping up with me and letting me know you’re still there for me. I love you Aunt Lee Ann.

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